A guide to making a career out of looking busy in a job that is not a job

Showing all posts about work

A guide to making a career out of looking busy in a job that is not a job

1 August 2013

Doing nothing is hard work. Constantly maintaining the pretence of looking busy is a full time job in itself, and for one American worker has virtually become a career.

Nine years later, someone calling himself the “forgotten employee”, still occupies, and is paid for, a role his employer apparently abolished very early into his tenure with the company.

So I arrived, acquired a large office in a remote corner of said facility, and continued with my march towards greatness. Then, something strange and wonderful happened. In outlook, an EMail appeared with my name in the “Courtesy Copy” field. Apparently, a new Vice President had decided to delegate the responsibilities that once were mine to another department. Immediately frightened for my job and my well being, I was tempted to scream out —yet, thankfully, I remained silent. I continued to come into the office on time every day, picked up the random pieces of my old job that were left scattered in the transition, and waited for the word. That, my friends, was 4 months ago to the day. After 30 days, I became convinced that I was a forgotten, non digestible entity in the corporate stomach. No man ever comes over to ask me for anything — although I am but a Manager, and Directors roam the hallways like rabid hyenas, I am much too senior to all of them for them to attempt an attack. Every once in a while, the phone will ring, and an old acquaintance will ask for help solving a problem — I gladly comply. Sometimes, I let the phone ring… but the voicemail light never comes on. They move on to the next target, under the false assumption that I am much too busy to be bothered.

I don’t know if this is for real, though I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it were, but there has to be a screenplay in it. The more you read, the better it gets.

(Some language possibly NSFW.)

Originally published Thursday 1 August 2013, with subsequent revisions, updates to lapsed URLs, etc.

Email is email, spam is spiced ham, talk is talk

2 February 2004

Bill Gates has unveiled a gallant plan to rid the world of email spam. A noble undertaking. I am not being sarcastic. I sincerely hope he succeeds. Especially as it is now estimated that half of all emails sent are unsolicited.

How annoying is it too see there are ten new messages in your in box, but nine turn out to be crap. But I suspect I am on the thin end of the spam email wedge. Some people receive way more.

Now there is a proposal to charge for each individual email sent. This charge, or e-stamp, may be as low as one cent per message. Not a lot, but it may be enough to deter the spammers who send out millions of messages, once they have to start paying for the privilege.

While it won’t stop the most determined or cashed up operators, it would make a welcome respite nevertheless. Many small spam operators would not only have to pay, but also make their identity known, in order to purchase e-stamps. This might be enough to see them give up.

That in turn would vastly reduce the amount of spam messages in the email system. So yes, bring it on, I say. I’m all in favour of the idea.

But a charge for email could have all sorts of intriguing ramifications. Take interoffice email messages, for example. Would they be chargeable as well? I certainly hope so. Working in an office — to my mind — is no fun at the best of times, but it gets worse when your manager and colleagues, who usually sit close by, communicate only by email. What’s with these people?

Can’t we just gather around and talk? Apparently not.

It would appear that it is far easier to correspond by email. Well maybe not for much longer. If it’s going to cost for each one liner that is dispatched to the next cubicle, we may be confronted with the prospect of a ban on interoffice email. How awful.

I’m not anti-email for work based communication though. Nothing of the sort. It is a vital tool in many situations. There is a time and a place though. Especially where distance is a factor.

My whole working relationship with some clients is purely email based. It’s of course an effective and economic method of communicating. The difference here being that they are often interstate (even overseas), and not just over the other side of a cubicle wall.

Originally published Monday 2 February 2004.