Showing all posts about humour
Time may be an artificial construct, but it feels awfully authentic
3 July 2025
Managing time when time doesn’t exist, from the Multiverse Employee Handbook, a science comedy podcast, produced by Robb Corrigan:
The real productivity crisis emerged when physicists tried merging Einstein’s relativity with quantum mechanics. They discovered something that would terrify any time management consultant: the Wheeler-DeWitt equation — quantum gravity’s fundamental mathematics — contains absolutely no time variable.
So maybe time doesn’t exist in the realm of physics, but who cares about physics when you’re running late for that train you must be on. Or when the hours and minutes are dissolving ahead of a critical deadline. Or anything else for that matter. And if time in fact does not exist, that’s not a problem either, the universe, and us along with it, carry on as usual.
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humour, physics, podcasts, science
The estimated lifespan of the universe has been reduced, adjust your calendars
22 May 2025
The cosmos may not last quite as long was previously envisaged. New calculations have shown that the final stellar remnants in the universe will cease to be in 1078 years time, rather than the originally thought 101100 years. That’s a significant shift in the timeline, however you look at it.
The stellar remnants part of that sentence seems to be key here though. I think. The last star in the universe — which probably won’t even be born for an eternity — will cease shining at some point in the long distant future, but its remains will take 1078 years to turn into near nothingness.
Then, I think, it’ll be curtains for the universe. But what even is 1078? I’m awful at maths and have no idea, but, according to the Thinkster Learning website, 1078 is a one followed by rather a lot of zeros. It looks like a really long time to me.
If there’s something you were hoping to achieve though, it seems like it might be a good idea to get on with it. There’s nothing more motivating than a tight deadline…
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Australia is bigger than Pluto, are then dwarf continents a thing?
22 April 2025
This, an image comparing Australia with dwarf planet Pluto, was published years ago, but somehow I only saw it for the first time a few days ago. Incredible, isn’t it? Width-ways, going from the east to west coasts, Australia dwarfs Pluto (no pun intended).
But drawing comparisons between dwarf planet Pluto, and the Australian continent, however, makes me nervous. Might such a stark juxtaposition result in Australia being downgraded to dwarf continent standing? In the same way Pluto was demoted from full, to dwarf planet, status in 2006?
Were such a travesty to occur, Australia would have to claim the title of the world’s largest island, an honour presently bestowed upon Greenland. That’s not a new idea though, a rum brand, for one, made the suggestion several decades ago.
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astronomy, Australia, geography, humour, Pluto
The fifty best Microsoft products? This is not an April fool
3 April 2025
I wondered if this was an April’s fool joke. A list of the fifty best things Microsoft (MS) ever made, compiled by The Verge.
Among inclusions is Clippy, a well intentioned though sometimes annoying paperclip-like assistant, that shipped with Office 97. There’s also Slate Magazine, originally a MS publication. Solitaire is an obvious highlight. But no mention of NotePad. Or Windows NT4? This has to be an April fool’s prank.
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Farewell to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
12 March 2025
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BLFC), a humorous literary award honouring terrible made up opening sentences to what will, presumably, be terrible novels, is no more. BLFC founder, Dr Scott Rice, who established the award in 1982, and had been running it with his daughter EJ Rice in recent years, has decided to retire:
Being a year and a half older than Joseph Biden, I find the BLFC becoming increasingly burdensome and would like to put myself out to pasture while I still have some vim and vigor!
The BLFC was a light-hearted addition to the literary award circuit, and I hazard to guess a few of the winning entries might well have inspired some not so terrible novel openers. A list of past winners has been archived here.
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humour, literary awards, literature, writing
Megalopolis, Reagan, among Nominations for 2024 Razzie Awards
29 January 2025
Borderlands, Joker: Folie a Deux, Madame Web, Megalopolis, and Reagan, a biopic about the late United States President Ronald Reagan, are vying for the coveted $4.97 gold spray-painted statuette, in the worst picture category of this year’s Golden Raspberry, AKA, Razzie awards.
Recipients in all Razzie’s categories, including worst picture, will be announced on Saturday 1 March 2025, the day before the Oscars, on what is surely the film industry’s night of slights.
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Do mullets make for great Australian Football League teams?
1 October 2024
I’m not very sporty as regular readers will have gathered. Of the approximate sixteen-hundred posts here at present, less than half a dozen are sport related. Of these, the majority relate to the Matildas, the Australian women’s football/soccer team, which I wrote during last year’s World Cup tournament. To think it’s been over a year now since that happened.
Last weekend though, was the grand final of the 2024 Men’s AFL (sometimes called Aussie rules) competition. The Sydney Swans, who I would regard as my local team — since geographically speaking they are the nearest club to me, and one of only two AFL teams in NSW — faced off against a team called the Brisbane Lions. Long story short, it didn’t end well for the Swans.
Then yesterday, I spot this infographic at FlowingData, illustrating how many players in each of the competition’s teams sport mullets. Interestingly, just four Swans players style their hair accordingly, one of the lowest counts in the league. On the other hand, nine Brisbane Lions players are mullet-ed.
My question: did this mullet imbalance have anything to do with the result of the grand final?
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Seven thousand five hundred tabs open in Firefox, a new world record?
14 August 2024
A dedicated Firefox web browser fan had nearly seven thousand five hundred browser tabs open, all at the same time, at one point. And maybe still does.
Seven thousand five hundred?
I feel I’m lucky to have seventy-five tabs, no, half that number really, open, across the three browsers I run, which include Firefox. That paltry number seems to strain my system. But in excess of seven-thousand open tabs is good going, if you can do it. I’d probably forget what I’d open after a time.
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The website song: everyone is free to write websites, an IndieWeb anthem
13 August 2024
Everybody’s Free (To Write Websites), by Robb Knight, and Keenan. Spectacularly riffing off Australian filmmaker Baz Luhrmann’s 1999 video, the Sunscreen Song, this is for the graduating Indie Web class of whenever. There is an abundance of sage advice here.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, coding would be it. The long term benefits of coding websites remains unproved by scientists, however the rest of my advice has a basis in the joy of the indie web community’s experiences. I will dispense this advice now.
There’s so much goodness here, I don’t know where to begin choosing my favourite lines. Enjoy the power and beauty of PHP. Code one thing every day that amuses you. Remember the guestbook entries you receive; forget the spam. And: Some of the most interesting web sites I enjoy just are.
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Baz Luhrmann, humour, IndieWeb
Corporate jargon alternatives by Matt Watson
13 August 2024
American web developer Matt Watson has re-written many latter-day, jarring, corporate-speak terms, with words and phrases from long past times. For instance, instead of “circle back”, say “bring word again”. Or, replace “open communication” with the surely eye-brow raising “regular intercourse”.
In other examples, ASAP becomes “betimes”, change agent (what?) becomes “efficient cause”, while lean in is now “assiduously apply”. There are many more. Now all we need is a substitute to reach out. Hmm. Let me think. Hang on, I think I have it. How about “contact”?
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